angelfriend87
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 3
|  | Poems & Prose
« Thread Started on Jun 5, 2005, 8:53pm » | |
I walked everywhere.
But inside I realised I had no place to go
Getting out of bed was one of the hardest things I had to do
But somehow I made it out each day
Sleeping at night was a novelty; during the day it became a necessity
Food.
Ah food, I have always wondered what that was.
I learnt that I’m meant to place it in my mouth and it would keep me alive
Didn’t they realise I was there because I didn’t want to be alive?
When I wouldn’t fill out a menu
The dietician came into play
Happily ticking boxes
But really ruining my plan
When the bell rang for tea I would dart into the closest room
Just to be found five minutes later by an angry nurse
I would be placed at a table with an alcoholic and an anorexic
Nurse smiley would lift the cover off the food just to reveal…
A corpse and a tree; a fluid secreted by bovine mammary glands; gobs of congealed grease
Or as she would say
Chicken and broccoli with mash potato
Oh and lets not forget that yummy looking custard and glass of milk
NOT!
It use to have a heartbeat,
Now this innocent chicken was on my cold plate
Next to a gob of goo
What do you think of as you munch on your Big Mac dripping with secret sauce?
No doubt tomato sauce watered down.
Yay go the huge cooperate companies of today.
I would try and explain all this to the nurse but she would just give me the knife and fork
Oh what to stab it to death again?
I would argue that there was no way I was going to chew on a carcass just to swallow blood and gristle.
They would then say try the mash potato then.
I knew I wasn’t leaving the table until something had passed my lips,
Unwillingly I took some of the goo and placed it in my mouth
Ok don’t taste it, just swallow.
As it would go down my throat the numbers on the scale would go up
I could just see it
I knew I had to get out of that room
I named it the calorie room
Even walking in to get a drink of water I was bound to breathe in fat
I wish she could have entered my mind
Then she wouldn’t be forcing me to eat
I would finish the last bit of goo i.e. mash potato
And leave
Scared, scared of what I was going to do next.
My fingers didn’t even have to enter my mouth anymore
It just happened
At least that grease filled potato was gone.
Now to my diary
Whatever happened went in my diary.
Thinking about it now maybe it wasn’t such a good idea
They took my diary off me in the end
They called it obsessive behaviour
Huh, did they want me to tell them everything instead?
Apparently yes.
As if.
I was here not because I wanted to but because I was in danger.
Well that’s the nuts they told me.
I wouldn’t tell them anything!
If I did I may as well of called the place home.
When I think I have it how they want it to be
My heart changes and I hear myself shout
But no one else does...
Where can I run?
Please hide the bullets and take away the gun.
You frown upon my unworthy figure
Which makes me think of the ultimate trigger
My book of undeserving perfection
And my forever failing at self correction
Id end my life if I could be flawless for just one day
If I could have that smile that would take any cares away
Those soft and slim thighs
That I would look at with my ample green eyes
Long and slender arms that each end in a porcelain hand
Powerful red hair, that gets shinier and silkier with each strand
The size 8 jeans that I would be able to buy
Id be the girl that could get any guy
If I had all this would I be truly content?
Or is the world already happy with what god has sent?
I see you stare like a hungry child at cake
That smile on your face looks so fake
Your loving and caring just to be looked at
Never letting me forget that I am fat
Knowing enough to leave me alone
Then back to the blank conversation on the phone
Always the same way around here
Im the one left to hold onto the fear
Silent voices in my head
Making decisions against what’s been said
Hiding what I really need
Just showing anger and greed
Screams echoing in the air
Always going for what is unfair
Despising every inch of me
Close my eyes so I don’t have to see
Lay my body down to sleep
Never again to hear me weep
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